Do it in the loo, please, not at the dining table

I GET THAT the mobile phone is convenient. I get that people see it as an extension of themselves, another limb. And I absolutely get that it can be fun. What I don’t get is why people seem to think it’s a free pass to be rude to their companions.

You know what I am talking about. It’s the phone sitting on the table over lunch, implying that if something more important comes up, your company will no longer be required. It’s the loud conversation with the babysitter at the movies. (I don’t care little Daisy got off to sleep.) And – God forbid – it’s the lover who picks up the phone, um, mid-action.

Luckily I’ve not yet experience that one, but a recent Microsoft Windows Mobile-commissioned Synovate survey suggests that one in five Taiwanese have actually used their mobile phone while engaging in acts of intimacy. I am assuming that by “using” they meant answering a call. It’s just too mind-boggling to think of the alternatives.

The Microsoft survey is actually a tongue-in-cheek look at when and where people in Asia are prepared to use their phones and it uncovered some tidbits that are either entertaining or alarming depending on your tolerance level. I must admit to an amused raised eyebrow over the two-thirds of Taiwanese and Chinese (68 percent and 66 percent respectively) and half of the Australian respondents (48 percent) who use the phone in the loo. Don’t they know their caller can hear the “ambient” noise as well?

And the social use of phones in India is absolutely gob smacking. Sixty-nine percent of Indian respondents said they use their phone in the cinema, 21 percent do so in a place of worship and 79 percent put the device to use at a wedding ceremony! I believe Indian weddings can take days but I would be implementing a strict no-phones policy were I taking the plunge on the subcontinent.

But the one finding (and it was not news to me) that hits my pet peeve button is that 80 percent of Asians polled use a mobile phone while eating with other people. That’s eight in 10 people, nearly all of us, and that probably means you’ve done it. Why do we all think the person on the other end of the line is more important than the flesh-and-blood person right in front of us? 

I think there are a few circumstances that do excuse the phone on the table: a sick family member you are worried about, a call to see if you landed that new job, something where you are genuinely needed at any moment. But please, please explain that to your companion first. 
Where it is not okay is when you conduct a long conversation about where to go for dinner the next night and effectively abandon the person who is with you. 
Irritations aside, like most Asians, I am well and truly mid-love affair with my mobile phone. They can be such fun. I am firmly with the 79 percent of Chinese who choose to flirt with their partners over SMS.

Indeed, the art of the seductive text message is an important skill for both sexes these days. Sounding confident, alluring and mysterious as well as succinct is what seems to work best. (Although, call me old-fashioned, I still insist on correct punctuation.) Lots of my friends send important relationship texts by committee almost, agreeing together on how much or how little another friend should reveal and what tone to use in order to inflame (and hopefully hook) a potential admirer. It’s a game. And you can talk and flirt every single day. This is where the intimate nature of the mobile phone truly comes into its own.
Some of my girlfriends take this even further, really getting to the potential of phones as sex toys. We all know that men are very visual so one application is to send pictures of one’s body in enough detail to titillate but not so much as to give away the identity of the poser (of course your phone number may do that for you).  Apparently such offerings are very well received. One might even call them happy snaps.

All this – the good, the bad and the ugly of mobile phones – drives home what a complex social tool these devices have become. When is it polite to send something to another person? When is it the height of rudeness to pick up the phone? When is it just plain dangerous? It reminds me of another survey we did back in 2006 where we discovered that two-thirds of Asian technology users believe we all need digital etiquette manuals.
We still do.